Last Post Before My Ultrasound!

I haven't heard any news about Gail, but she has been on my mind a lot. I had a hard time falling asleep on Friday night. I hope I hear from her soon and she tells me that everything is okay!

I started thinking about two years ago - exactly. In March 2009 I was struggling with the thought of leaving my first baby in the care of someone else. Logan was 11 months old and, aside from a few hrs here & there by the grandparents when they visited from Iowa, I hadn't had a break as a mom. I hadn't felt like I'd needed one until he was 9 months old in January 2009. That's when I recognized that my low fuel light was on. But I kept on going because I just wasn't ready to get help.

That changed in February/early March when I stalled. I realized I had to take the risk and check out at-home daycares in my area to see if any were willing to take Logan for 4-8 hours a week. After researching those with licenses, we weeded A LOT of people out. It came down to ten. I called them in no particular order and was told the same thing, one after another: they didn't do part-time, only full-time. I looked at the final name on my piece of paper and told myself I'd tried, but this idea probably wasn't going to work.

So imagine my surprise when that babysitter - Gail - said that all of her kids were part time so that'd be perfect! We went to her house to meet her and I was glad to get a good vibe and she "passed" my checklist.

After I made the decision to hire her, I took Logan by myself to just play and talk one morning. I hadn't expected to start crying but I did, however she was very understanding and comforting. I could tell that she was going to give Logan the attention that he needed and he would like it there.

Leaving him the first three times was tough because he cried, but after that he didn't and not only did he like it there, but he has loved it. Several of the kids have left and new ones have taken their place, but he's had fun with all of them. They cheer when he's dropped off and tell him goodbye when he leaves (sometimes even giving him hugs and kisses). Gail reads to the group, has taken them on walks and to the park (and to play in her backyard), and there are unlimited toys that Logan loves playing with. He showed security with being okay away from me and this has given him time to do his own thing.

He's been a perfect angel for Gail, always polite and doing what he is told and doing even more than she requires -- like cleaning up the room on his own or asking permission before doing anything. He's never shown any aggression toward the other kids -- I hope that maybe we just skipped over the grabbing stage but I know we have another year before we're in the clear.

So, it's been a good two years for him (after one year of going 8 hrs per week we upped it to two full days a week) so I pray that his experience at preschool is just as good. I think he will like the structured environment and activities that he doesn't get at Gail's, and as a parent I will like the daily report cards and weekly portfolios and there are parent-teacher conferences. Hopefully it will even get him comfortable going to the bathroom for other people :p as he's been 100% potty trained at home for the past several months but still does not like to do it when we're out & about, or with other people. I remember that they told me in October that in the Early Preschool Classroom (two and three year olds) that is the majority of their day! (Potty training, because as soon as they are they move up to the official Preschool class for three and four year olds.)

We are meeting with the Director this next Monday, March 7th and if all goes well then we will sign him up and come back for orientation either later that week or early the following week, and his first official day will be Wednesday, March 16th. It sounds like they have openings on Wednesdays and Thursdays so that's when he will go.

I feel he and I are both ready (whereas we weren't quite there in October), but it's always scary making a big change. Over the weekend I got out Logan's backpack that I bought him for Christmas and told him he is going to start school. He is excited and keeps asking if it's time yet, haha. But even he told me, "Me gonna cry...but me gonna be okay."

I didn't tell him that Mama's gonna cry, too! I wish they had webcams like at the only other daycare we considered, but I've obviously survived not being able to see him the past two years and I won't be able to once he starts school, either. Getting a detailed account about his day will be better than what I've been used to, and since he can talk I should be able to get a realistic feel for his days there.

As for news about my pregnancy, get this - Friday evening I threw up! I had noticed that a very mild-mild case of nausea had started before I picked Logan up at Gail's, and then after I ate supper I was just walking to the laundry room and had to duck quickly into the bathroom!

I could not believe it, after an entire month of being nausea-free, I thought I was done with all of that! With my other pregnancy once it was done it was done! But I threw up again on Sunday morning! Thankfully, my nausea that day was just in that moment and I've felt normal since, with no other uncomfortable symptoms of pregnancy (and I think maybe my face is finally clearing up???)

Today I noticed the line down my midsection is coming again (linea nigra). But no stretch marks so far, knock on wood. I am nineteen-and-a-half weeks and up 16 lbs so I gained two this past week. I looked up on Babycenter to see how I fit into the range and I'm still considered normal even though I've gained four more pounds than I had at this stage with Logan. :(

I can't believe that my ultrasound is in less than two days! EEEK! I never thought I'd get to this point. If this is halfway, then meeting Baby is going to be here before I know it -- didn't I just start this blog????

Please pray that everything looks good. I am nervous, as this is the ultrasound that will reveal how these five months have really been going! Whether everything is healthy and on track or if there are any problems. I also hope that they'll be able to tell for sure if it's a boy or girl!

It's not going to be like with Logan when the sonographer asked, "Do you want me to tell you the sex?" I was thinking she's going to say boy. This time it will be a shock either way! But I will be happy either way.

If it's another boy then that seems easier -- we have everything already and even though they're going to be different, we've been parents of a son for almost three years so we feel we've got it down, LOL. A boy will probably be more fun for Logan - hopefully they will grow up with a special bond and be friends for life. The downside is that Logan would no longer be my only little boy :p But I know that both boys would be unique and equally special to me.

If it's a girl, it will be fun as parents to have a different experience to see what it's like to have a daughter. I'll get to buy all the girlie clothes and toys and have someone to pass down my old stuff to :p There will probably be less competition and comparing between a brother & sister. (I don't want my kids to ever think that I love one more than the other or that I wish one was like the other, etc. Seems like if they're the opposite sex then they won't feel pressure to be just like or rebel against their sibling -- but rather be comfortable with just being whoever they are!) A girl does seem like more pressure, a little scarier to me, but if our personalities match like Logan & mine then we could end up the best of friends when she's an adult. (Although every day I hope to continue this close relationship with Logan throughout his life, so I'll hope the same for if I have another boy, too.)

So, there ya go, not really one that is better than the other. I trust that God can see the future and has given me whatever I'll be the best mom of. :p

Oh, and we decided to take Logan with us to the appointment (which is at 1 pm). He went with us to our first ultrasound because that was during the time between his pneumonia and returning to Gail's, and he did fine, so hopefully he will again. Even though they said to allow two hours, they said both the ultrasound & doc appt. are 45 min. so if we get out of there at 2:30 then Logan can nap at 3 which is only one hour later than his usual napping time and something he has done on several occasions already and it's gone fine.

However, I tried it out yesterday and it didn't work! :( We went to the mall because I had a gift card to buy him some clothes at The Children's Place and I wanted to get Joe an outfit at Younkers and then shop for myself at Motherhood Maternity since I'd only bought three shirts and two pair of pants so far this pregnancy.

I let Logan play on the indoor playground for the first time which he thought was a blast. He was a wild man which is the last word I'd usually use to describe him! He was climbing on things he wasn't supposed to, jumping off the highest points onto the ground, and running around so much he even collided with a girl (but thankfully didn't hurt her, she jumped back up and kept playing). Then, I had to chase after him when he left the play area for the main mall wearing just his socks, dodging me and laughing -- I felt like a mother with no control as everything I said he said "no" to, even at home. So he was not his normal self. . .we usually go weeks between him not doing what I ask or going in time out, and months between temper tantrums.

I realized I need to lower my expectations; he's so often like a little adult that I had to remind myself yesterday that he is a child and therefore is going to sometimes act like one! But it caught me off guard when he wouldn't let me change his clothes, put on his diaper, or take a nap without a fight . . .I'm not used to being harsh with him but I found myself yelling several times to which I then thought, oh great, supposedly the baby is just starting to hear me these days, what a great first impression! :p

I put him down at 3 pm and heard him talking in his room for a full hour before he informed me that he was "done." Thankfully today he took a three-hour-fifteen-minute nap so hopefully yesterday wasn't the start of how it's going to be now that he's turning three! The terrible twos definitely did not happen -- the past year was the easiest/best of all! But some people claim the threes are the tough year. I hope not since that's when Baby #2 is coming!!!

I'll end with a funny/cute thing Logan said the other day. He saw Joe getting out of the shower and then said in the most innocent/sweet voice, "Hey! You have a P just like me!" (He calls it a "P" for some reason.) I figured the day would come, haha.