8 Years Ago Today

Today, April 26, 2011, Joe and I celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary!!!! I wrote our love story on my other blog last year, as well as posted pictures of our wedding day. But after our blissful and perfect three years of dating, what about after the honeymoon? (Here is a 49-second video clip of me talking about my honeymoon)

It's ironic that in my last post I wrote about our time here possibly coming to an end (by the way, they called yesterday and Joe has his final/face-to-face interview this Thursday) because at this point 8 years ago is when it all began. I found old emails that I wrote about starting our life here in Omaha together. . .I hadn't read them forever so I forgot how depressing they were. :/ But, I decided to post them anyway because this really shows how far we've come in eight years!

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Saturday, April 19, 2003:

On Feb. 11th Joe attended the Engineering Career Fair at ISU and it went well, especially with Northrop Grumman in Omaha, Nebraska. On Tuesday, March 11th they offered him a job! He is officially a Software Engineer! His first day of work was Monday, April 7th. (Here we are in front of our apartment door.)It worked out best that Joe didn't move to Seattle back in January because it wouldn't have been easy to have a long distance relationship. This way he was still able to help with wedding plans and we've been able to be involved in each others' lives. Most of all, we will be starting our new life together in our new place at the same time. It's a different state -- which is what we wanted so that it would be far enough away from home -- but we'll still be able to see our friends and family more often living just two-and-a-half hours away, opposed to across the U.S.!

I like Nebraska more than I thought I would. Omaha is more of a city than Des Moines and the suburbs are nice with lots to do. It also already seemed familiar since it's still in the Midwest (unlike Seattle that felt like it was going to be a culture shock when we went there).

We spent March 27th & 28th looking for an apartment and decided on one in La Vista, about twenty minutes from downtown Omaha. It's a two bedroom, two bathroom on the top floor with a balcony and fireplace. We also have our own washer & dryer! I love it and can't wait to make it "our" home. The complex is only three years old so it is nice and in a safe, residential area. We moved in on April 3rd & 4th and Joe has been there since. I took some more of my things over last weekend (the 12th & 13th) but I'll have to bring the rest after our honeymoon when I stay for good! :)

Ironically, several months ago Joe and I bought plane tickets for our honeymoon out of Omaha because it was cheaper than Des Moines so we're already scheduled to leave from there on Monday morning (April 28th) and arrive back to Omaha on Saturday evening (May 3rd). Now we don't have to worry about getting a hotel because we'll have our own apartment!

Joe's mom's friend has a condo right on ClearWater Beach and she said we could stay there! She lives there 5 months of every year so she knows the area very well and collected all kinds of info for us. We realized that we'd be saving a ton of money if we went there, and it sounds perfect because I really wanted stay on a beach...so ClearWater Beach, Florida it is!

The place is all furnished and even has a hot tub and fireplace! The lady said that there is a shuttle that will take us from the airport to the condo, and that we won't have to rent a car because the restaurants and shops are all within walking distance. There's also a pier that is popular with people our age for dancing and stuff. And, there's a lot of fun stuff to do on the beach, like parasailing and jet skiing, etc. so I'm excited to give those things a try. She said it's nice because it's not in a touristee area, and there isn't public parking, so the only people who come to the beach are the residents. It's also near where both of our parents lived before we were born, which I think is neat. (My parents lived in Pensacola and his parents lived in St. Petersburg.)Joe is taking off work April 24th and will return May 5th. To tell you a little about Northrop Grumman, they are a company that works for the Department of Public Defense. For the last decade they've been the nation's second largest defense enterprise. They have transformed from an aircraft manufacturer into a leading provider of informationage warfighting systems used in all environments from beneath the sea to outer space.

Northrop Grumman is the premier provider of sensors and electronic warfare systems. They are a major producer of manned and unmanned aircraft and other platforms and systems for surveillance, targeting and precision strike, as well as a leading systems integrator. They are the world's largest shipbuilder, with expertise in submarines and surface ships, both nuclear and non-nuclear. They are the federal government's largest provider of information technology and a leading contractor for military space and missiled defense programs that are of the highest priority for our nation's security. Joe thinks this all sounds very interesting, and his job is going well!

As for my "job," I already miss WHO-TV 13. It was the perfect workplace; I will be lucky if I can find one that good again! My last day was Sunday, April 6th and they had a party for me! Everyone was so nice -- they each made an effort to tell me privately that I would be missed. When I think back to my awful experience last summer, I can't believe how opposite this experience was.

I applied for a position in Omaha of Associate TV Producer. It's for promos instead of the news. The two main requirements are creative writing skills and editing ability -- both of which are at the top of my list! So I sent them my resume, but haven't heard back.

Saturday, May 3, 2003 at 9:04 PM:

Our honeymoon went by way too fast. We stayed on Sand Key Beach, Florida in a gorgeous condo with our own private beach & pool. The weather was absolutely perfect and I took 7 rolls of film and made a video. We ate at some really nice restaurants, including last night after we watched the sun set as we walked along the beach. Joe and I visited an aquarium, swam with dolphins, and got one of those portraits done by an artist when we went to "Pier 60" which was the "happenin" place at night -- with a live band, street performers, etc. I am not ready to come down now from the high I've been on the past week!!!

Monday, May 12, 2003 at 1:56 AM:

My new car is a red, four door, 2001 Ford Focus. It only has 23,000 miles on it and Willey's in Ames gave me a good deal for only $7500. It's in excellent condition with keyless entry and a CD player so I am excited to pick it up. It's sporty looking with a black stripe across the side. (Here is a picture of me driving it for the first time as I picked it up from Iowa and brought it back to Omaha.)My parents came over last Sunday to bring our wedding gifts, so Joe & I went to Hy-Vee after they left that evening. Joe and I had never gone grocery shopping together before so it was interesting...(more about our "adjustment" later)

Monday I spent the entire day unpacking, cleaning, and organizing. Not exactly my idea of fun, but I seem to be obsessed with it. That's been my usual routine every day since.

I wanted to try and fix Joe dinner that evening when he came home from work, so I made him Chicken Alfredo Pasta that actually turned out pretty good. (Well, he ate it anyway!) Tuesday I had to wake up when Joe got up for work because I was to meet Cindy (the gift table attendant) for lunch in Ames. She was moving back home that week so I helped her use up her dining dollars at the Hawthorn Court Market/Cafe and then hung out with her the rest of the day. I had been getting about 4 hours of sleep each night so I was exhausted when I arrived to my parents house and went to sleep pretty early. Wednesday I got three inches cut off my hair and spent the rest of the day/evening looking for my new car. The one I picked out had just been brought in that afternoon so that's why I haven't taken it home with me yet.

We also got the wedding video back and it is EXCELLENT! I'm so glad I hired a videographer because in some ways it was like I saw my wedding for the first time. He did a terrific job editing the video (he used two cameras and really captured the emotion by putting music behind snapshots of us, etc.) The parts at the reception are kind of funny because most of us don't know that we're being taped while we eat! It's funny to hear what people say. There's the part when Grife gets mad at me for his write-up in the program :p (Here is a 1 minute-33 second clip of the opening to our wedding and the 29-second opening to the reception)

But while I was watching the video, "post wedding depression" set in. I just started BAWLING. I couldn't help it, all of the emotions from the past YEAR just gushed out. While I watched the video, the reality of "it" being over hit me. It's not like I am sad that it's over -- because I am VERY glad that it is (I feel like a boulder has been lifted off my chest). So it's really weird because it's like I am so happy that it's done and I feel SOOOOOO relieved, but at the same time I guess I feel myself coming down from the incredible high...which was inevitable. After all, for a whole year the wedding was my life. Every thought I had, every action I did, somehow connected to the wedding. Every day for FOURTEEN MONTHS were filled with excitement and anticipation for April 26th. Even though I was stressed, there was an "end result." It was like the star on top of a Christmas tree. My ultimate goal. "Thee moment." "Thee top." "Thee perfect day." And it WAS perfect -- I felt like a princess in a fairy tale. But now it's over. It's back to reality. It's like, now what? How can anything possibly compare to THAT? I feel like I was riding a rollercoaster, reached the top, and now I've dove down FAST to the ground.

It's making it hard to enjoy "married life." I think it's because the wedding & honeymoon were like the ultimate romance so life just seems the complete opposite right now. Like I said, all I do is clean and organize. All of the "little" things that Joe & I do differently seem like a "huge" adjustment (like going to the grocery store, who would have thought). There's a stress & tension between us that never was before just because this is all so new & different. I'm hoping that once we get everything arranged in our apartment and are settled into our routines we will feel close again.

Since I didn't return to our apartment until Thursday night (I met another friend in Des Moines before heading back here) I've really only been living with Joe for a few days. Each day it hits me a little bit more that I am his WIFE, but for the most part, we are still acting pretty independently so "I," as a person, don't feel that much different.

Anyway, I cried more on Thursday night but Friday was better. I met Joe and his co-workers for lunch because Northrop Grumman wanted to take us out to Carlos O'Kelly's and give us a wedding gift. I thought that was super nice, considering Joe has only worked there a few weeks! They were all real friendly and much younger than I'd pictured. I also went to Target and bought some stuff we needed...and did my usual cleaning and organizing the rest of the day. That night Joe & I watched a movie that his mom had given us for Easter.

On Saturday I made my second meal for Joe which turned out good again (whew). I then went back to Target with Joe this time and we bought most of the things left from our gift registry. We were there for almost three hours so that took most of the day. This morning I fixed pancakes, eggs, and turkey bacon for breakfast. The rest of the day was spent doing my same old cleaning and organizing. Now Joe's in bed and I'm heading there shortly.

Thursday, May 15, 2003 at 2:16 AM:

Joe likes my sandwiches so I fix him his sack lunch every day for work. I'm really glad that we didn't move to Seattle. It's hard enough of an adjustment right now to Omaha. Plus, I don't know how I would have made the trips back to Ankeny like to buy my new car, etc.

After I last wrote, I got up on Monday morning thinking it would be a good day because I was going to Target to use more gift cards which is fun 'cuz that means we're buying stuff but not spending any money!

Things were going well until I was on the way back to my apartment at about 3 p.m. I missed the first turn onto our street. So, I took the next turn which required me to drive through a residential area. Houses were being built so there were workers in the street and trucks & equipment all over the place. A white cement truck was parked on my side of the street and a red truck was coming towards me. So, I stopped behind the cement truck to let the red truck go passed me. But there wasn't enough room for the red truck to go around me, so I edged closer to the cement truck -- just as it started to move as well -- and we hit each other! Meanwhile, the red truck drove on past and all of the workers were just staring at me bug-eyed. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before so I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do! I wasn't entirely convinced there was any damage because the "hit" had been so light & quick. I guess I was hoping that there would be no mark. So I drove off...but Joe got mad at me later because you're not supposed to "leave the scene."

I pulled into my parking lot, got out, took one look at the passenger's side -- and realized there was no denying it. There was a huge dent right between where the front door meets the front of the car. By the way, this was my MOM's car. I'd been driving her car since I traded mine in last week, until today when I could pick my new one up. I was SO upset. I couldn't believe that I'd never had a single accident/fender bender with my car but then the one week when my mom lets me drive her nice Honda Accord, I put a dent in it. I called her right away between sobs, but she took it better than my stepdad. She was just glad I wasn't in a serious accident, whereas my stepdad thinks it's going to cost $3000 since they'll have to replace both the door AND the front panel, plus paint them. So now I'm scared to death to drive my new car. It's in perfect condition and obviously I'm not as careful of a driver as I thought! UGH! So that put me in a bad mood the rest of the day.

Still, I fixed Joe dinner: Spaghetti & Italian Sausage Meat Sauce and garlic bread. I also made M&M brownies. But for the rest of the evening I cleaned, organized, washed dishes and did the laundry, while Joe played poker on the internet. This has become our lives every day. I believe that it will get better, though. Because on Tuesday I spent the whole day organizing and I am almost done! Woo hoo! I was so happy by the time Joe came home from work because the apartment is almost completed!

I'm at my parents house in Ankeny tonight, and just like last week when I was here, I've been crying again. I think it's because my room holds all of the pre-wedding memories & feelings. Have you ever walked into a room and you "feel" what you felt the last time you were there? It's like constant reminders of the last times I was here with all of the anticipation & excitement, and for some reason it just makes me feel so sad!!!!! It didn't help that I watched my wedding video "Part Two" tonight. (My cousin videotaped after the videographer left right before my first dance). It made me sentimental like "Part One." I've also been putting the pictures from the disposable cameras into albums and they are making me sad too. I don't understand why the happiest day of my life is now making me depressed. (Here is 2 minute-15 second clip of our wedding/reception video -- announcing the bridal party and Joe & I cutting our cake.)
ANYWAY, I fixed Joe supper again last night: A tuna and cheese casserole and the rest of the garlic bread from the night before. I actually went to bed at a decent time and arrived to my parents' place around 11:15 this morning. I hung out with two friends throughout the afternoon and in the evening I got all of my final things ready to take back with me to my apartment.

I haven't heard back from any of the places where I've applied for a job, wish I could commute to WHO in Des Moines!

Thursday, May 22, 2003 at 12:43 AM:

I'm listening to Avril Lavigne. I can relate to her song, "Losing Grip."

We finally hooked up my computer on Monday but I still have to wait a few more days to have internet. GRR. :( Apparently we need a hub or something so both Joe and I can be on it at the same time. Not like I've had any free time lately to use my computer anyway...however tonight I FINALLY finished unpacking, cleaning, and organizing this apartment. Yes -- that's right -- I am FINALLY done!!!!!! Three-and-a-half weeks after my wedding I can finally start settling into my apartment. I *hope* all of the other adjustments will start to take effect now, and I can find myself again.

We got our professional wedding pictures back today! I am VERY relieved -- they came out really good!!!

Well I suppose I should get some sleep now. On the couch.

Friday, May 23, 2003 at 1:48 PM:

Okay last night was stupid. I won't be in the mood to drink for a long time now. I don't remember much, just that it all started when I was watching TV and was tired of every channel having something on about a wedding. At 2:30 I decided to open up a bottle of wine that had seemed appealing since I'd gotten it as a wedding gift. I remember watching Dr. Phil at 3...and that's about it. I don't remember Oprah at 4.

Joe said that when he came home I reeked of alcohol and he was like, "Are you drunk?" Apparently I couldn't stop laughing. He saw that a bottle of chardonay was almost gone so he asked if I had drank it all and I pulled out the first bottle which was completely gone. The next thing I remember I was laying on the floor in the bathroom puking in the toilet.

According to Joe, I talked to my mom on the phone which I don't remember at all. Sarah also called but I didn't talk to her; she told Joe I had left 5 messages on her phone. I also talked to my insurance agent! I've never not remembered a night before. :(

Joe came into the bathroom to check on me and I guess I was like, "I have the flu, you must leave, I have the flu." I do remember eating some crackers & Easy Mac last night before we went to sleep at around 11, and I know that he & I had a serious conversation but the details are foggy. I still don't feel completely back to normal today.

Joe wasn't too happy with me but at least it made him realize that life isn't a bed of roses right now. He refused to think anything was wrong before, but now it's all out in the open. I told him that I've never felt lonelier in my life. I feel like everything is all on my shoulders. I'm the one who cooks, cleans, does the laundry, calls the maintenance guy, organizes our things, is writing thank you cards, is getting all of our records changed from Iowa to Nebraska, etc etc. And most of all, I feel I'm the only one who has any sort of emotion about going from single life to married life. I've got all of these new, different, confusing feelings, while he just plays internet poker every night. This is unlike anything I've ever gone through before. It's not like with other hard times when you can compare it to another experience you've had before. It is all unknown and unfamiliar and I don't know what I'm supposed to do or how I'm supposed to feel. There's no one I can talk to about this because all of my friends are single so I feel very alone. We should be going through this together.

I told him I missed the old days when he & I were free to just be in love. Now it's all on the back burner, as we have all of these distractions and other things to focus on. We have no romance, he treats me like I'm his companion now instead of his "girl." I don't want our best days to be in our past! Well, he said that he DOES want me and so he's going to try to do more to help me and show me and start spending more time with me. He borrowed The Matrix from a co-worker to watch tonight so that we can go see the new one at the theater soon, and he said he'd take me out to dinner if I'd like. (Here we are in May 2003 at the Omaha Zoo)Thursday, May 29, 2003 at 1:13 PM:

When I got up the next day after my drunk night, our place was a mess. I had completely trashed our kitchen. I had thrown macaroni & cheese all over the floor & counters, and I must have used several spoons 'cuz they were dropped all over the place with dried food on them. There were tons of items scattered all over our living room from other rooms that I have no idea how they got there. At least there was some humor as Joe told me about my "wedding barbie doll." To give you some background -- my grandma gave me a collector's item barbie doll bride that I've had sitting on my bedroom dresser. Well, for some odd reason I was carrying it around while I was drunk, and as I was telling Joe that I'd watched Dr. Phil that day, I looked at the doll in my hand and said, "Guess who Dr. Phil had on today? Wedding barbie dolls!!!!" Yeah I'm a dork.

On the positive side, things with Joe and me have been improving. Joe now thanks me for what I do and seems to appreciate & help me more. Also, he's been spending more time with me rather than coming home from work and just playing poker on his computer the rest of the night. He'll actually listen to what I have to say and comfort me if I'm feeling down.

(Here we are one month later, June 2003, walking around the Old Market in Omaha)* * *
Of course things didn't change overnight; as I read these emails now it was very obvious all of the things that we did wrong that first month. . .but I guess that is marriage and life -- figuring out how to turn the wrong into a right -- and we did! We both had a lot of learning and maturing to do over the next couple of years, and I chilled out while he began making an effort, and now I wouldn't change a thing -- we are as happy of a couple as I could have ever hoped to be!

And so, if we end up moving this year, Omaha definitely won't have been a waste because we would be returning to Iowa MUCH stronger and wiser than when we left as young & naive newlyweds eight years ago! We made it all on our own, well, with the help of God! The job I ended up getting in August 2003 was at a Christian radio station and we joined a church in January 2004.

Reading these e-mails has actually made me less overwhelmed with the idea of moving in a few months because even though we'll have just had a baby, I actually think the adjustment will be easier and quicker than the one here in 2003. Back then I wasn't expecting it to be so hard, as the first email says, it sounded like it should have been a smooth transition -- but we had no security; no stable foundation. Now we do and I think that makes the most difference in life. We can handle what might seem harder at first glance -- like driving a boat in a storm -- but actually what is harder is to be left in the middle of water without a raft or life jacket, even if there is no storm, because we will eventually drown. In other words, if we survived eight years ago, then we can survive what may come in these next few months!